


empty home

by alineppenhallow



Series: 'cause i've built my life around you [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bamf!Magnus, Canon Compliant, Introspection, M/M, Post-Episode: s02e18 Awake Arise Or Be Forever Fallen, Relationship Problems
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-04
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-12-11 03:05:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11705499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alineppenhallow/pseuds/alineppenhallow
Summary: It felt...empty.





	empty home

**Author's Note:**

> again so much love & praise to the wonderful goddess @ladymatt for looking over this for me!!!

It felt...  _ empty _ . 

His loft, his home, after decades of warmth it suddenly felt devoid. Almost like someone had moved something and Magnus couldn’t put his finger on what. It left him with that discomfort, an edge of frustration born of something that wasn’t quite  _ right _ . It shouldn’t have felt like this.

It was  _ his _ home. His sanctuary. 

At least it had been when Camille had left him nearly a century ago. Back then there hadn’t been this emptiness except in the scotch decanter. 

Now he had this hollowed out feeling in his chest to match the empty decanter on the coffee table and the one place he had always felt relaxed and in control of, suddenly felt askew. 

He let Alec get too close, get too comfortable too quickly. Stupid,  _ stupid _ man. 

Camille had always been separate from his home in a way. She had her own abodes, a level of independence that should have been telling but Magnus had always been a little blinded when it came to love. 

Alec on the other hand, shared in his home. The Institute had been just that, t _ he institute _ . A cold dormitory built for work rather than comfort. For Alec, Magnus’ loft had been a refuge from that impersonal environment he’d grown up in. A refuge Magnus had welcomed him into with open arms. It’d been so long since he’d had someone he loved in his space and Magnus had craved it. Having someone there to talk to, to hold, to sleep next to. All of it was like a drug and the more he had, the more he wanted. 

Now he’s gone cold turkey. 

Magnus drained the remaining scotch in his glass in one violent gulp that burned a path down his throat. It barely scratched the ache in his chest. He’d hoped to drown it or maybe bury it. But it throbbed like a heartbeat and was just as impossible to ignore. He leant his heavy head against his fist, pushing the curled knuckles into his forehead like he could forcibly push out the pain.

The rose sitting innocently on the table was now pure black, the queen would be growing restless waiting for him to provide his answer. 

He stayed though, making her wait. Partially because Magnus still didn’t have an answer and a little out of petty spite. Yes, she was quite powerful but the way she played with them, like a cat batting lazily at a hanging pom-pom, it rubbed him the wrong way. 

Magnus could end her in a heartbeat. Raze the Seelie court to ashes and salt the ground it had once stood on. He was a prince of Hell. High Warlock’s bowed to him. But to let on for even a second that the queen wasn’t the most powerful downworlder in the room put him at a disadvantage. 

Currently he barely ranked as entertainment. Little more than a pawn she occasionally pushed and prodded to suit her needs and desires. If she had an inkling of his true strength, his true identity and all it entailed... then he’d be a threat to her.

And threats to the Seelie Queen didn’t last long. 

Not that Magnus thought anything she could throw at him was any sort of real threat to him. He just didn’t like the idea of having to look over his shoulder for the rest of his immortal life. He’d have to declare open war against the Seelies in order to avoid the inevitable knife between his shoulder blades. 

One wrong move and this delicate chess game of theirs turned deadly. 

And frankly Magnus had had enough of war to last anyone a lifetime. It was more trouble than it was worth. 

So let the little queen think she was in charge, Magnus knew where the real power lay in the downworld. 

But none of that helped him now. 

He still had a choice to make.

The deafening silence hardly helped him think.

He hadn’t realised how much noise Alec made until he was absent. Clearing his throat in another room, his soft wheezy snores in the darkness, the rustle of his clothes and that breathy laugh of his. Alec wasn’t a loud person in any sense of the word but without his comfortable silence, the loft felt like the cavernous vacuum of space. Cold, dark and so damned empty. 

A part of Magnus, dark and spiteful, wanted to say  _ screw it _ . He’d given enough, lost enough. Fuck the shadow world and it’s petty politics. He had enough power to create an impenetrable bubble for just him and Alec, they’d never have to put up with these choices again. Alec would agree, he had no doubt about that. It would be their own little paradise far away from all the anguish of the world. 

Until the novelty wore off. 

Magnus knows he’d regret it, so would Alec. Eventually they’d remember why the shadow world mattered to them to begin with and the whole illusion of happiness would crumble like a sandcastle under the evening tide. Magnus sighed, his finger tapping angrily against his empty glass. As much as he’d want it, things just weren’t that easy. 

Alec could no more abandon his people then Magnus could. Without him, they squabbled like children over the best course of action. Age, afterall, did not always mean wisdom. Many would try to go it alone, Iris a key example. Magnus groaned, so distracted had he been by everything - including Alec - crimes like Iris’ had carried on right under his nose. Her’s wasn’t the first and it wouldn’t be the last. Magnus needed to reaffirm his authority amongst his people. Remind them where the line was and what the consequences were for crossing it. 

But the path forward remained clouded, it was one thing to get everybody back on the straight and narrow but progressing was another matter entirely. 

He missed Ragnor in times like these. Missed him so much it was like dealing with a phantom limb. Ragnor wouldn’t know what to do straight off the bat. But they’d bounce ideas back and forth, with unsubtle sarcastic jabs thrown in. In the end, they’d come to a decision together. 

Magnus smiled sadly. He could almost hear Ragnor’s laugh, echoing alongside his own in a faded memory. 

The rose curled inwards, a death knell. His time was up and his answer was required. 

All out war was upon them. He needed to pick a side, pick an alliance...one that would decide the fate of his people. Side with the shadowhunters and the werewolves and he made an enemy of the Seelie court. They’d cut off much needed supplies for potions that only they could provide. The Seelies could move easily between their realms and and mount surprise attacks that would be hard for them to prepare against.

Side with the Seelies and he made an enemy of the shadowhunters at the very least, the werewolves too at the most. He’d lose Alec for sure, a Romeo and Juliet love story that would end in far more bloodshed and pain. But the downsides for his people would be lessened. No doubt if he sided with the Clave they’d take more and more from his people, making demands like they were some trained monkeys on a leash. At least with the queen his people were guaranteed equal standing, mutual respect. 

But again at the centre of it all was Alexander. Not just his love but a hope, albeit a fledgling one, of a better clave. A clave where the downworlders had a voice. Something long overdue and doubtless it would take many years before it started to make a difference but it was the first step on a path of endless possibilities. One that would be destroyed in war, condemning them to the same antiquated regime maybe for good this time. They’d be forced to win if they went against the Clave. To lose would see all progress lost and their status once again labeled as less than the shadowhunters, they’d probably be even worse off than before. Winning was the only option to survive.  And even then, they’d lose. 

Pride was the angels biggest folly after all. 

They wouldn’t take the loss lying down. The war would continue again and again **_and_** **_again_** , both sides fighting for power. 

An endless war.

...Something that would work in Valentine’s favor. 

Magnus’ head shot up as realisation sparked through him so fast he could barely keep up with his thoughts. They fell into place like jigsaw pieces until the big picture was laid out before him. 

“Son of a -” Magnus cursed quietly. How had he not seen it before? The subtle manipulations, leading them down a road where the Seelies could ultimately prosper. He should have seen it. 

For all her intelligence, the Queen was playing with fire. Did she honestly think she could manipulate Valentine? That she could outplay him? A mad man only appears to play by the rules and the Queen was blinded by a victory that wasn’t yet her’s. Arrogance was apparently a universal problem, not just a shadowhunter one. 

He had to talk to Luke and Raphael.  _ Now _ .  

Magnus flicked his hand expertly, a portal heeding his demands quickly. He marched through, only pausing long enough to grab the omamori charm on his way. 

**Author's Note:**

> [Tumblr](https://alineppenhallow.tumblr.com) & [Twitter](https://twitter.com/alineppenhallow)  
> 


End file.
